Bored? Should that be in my vocabulary?

I live on a farm. There are a hundred and twenty acres to roam around in, and about a thousand things that I could do, but would you believe that today I've found myself bored? Growing up, Mom's reply to such a dilemma would be to offer that sink full of dishes, or to brush the dogs outside, or vacuum the tumble weeds that they leave all over the house... So many things to be done, and yet I still wind up feeling more bored than a 2x4.
One of the problems that happens when I'm bored is that I seek some form of entertainment to satisfy the niggling desire to destroy the boredom. And one of those outlets turns out to be sitting down at this flickering computer screen with the whole wide world at my fingertips. Of course, it has to be the utmost cheap version of anything in the world, which brings me to this pathetic realization that computers impair our sense of adventure and ambition. I mean, if given the choice, would you rather sit at a swivel chair with empty lunch dishes crowding a nearby surface while you watch twenty variations of Pirates of the Caribbean music videos on Youtube? Or would you rather find ways to work harder and save a little nest egg for an unforgettable trip to a tropical island where you can actually touch the sand, feel the palm leaves, smell the ocean and taste the breeze on your face? Okay, it's really a no brainer, but more often than not that ugly little voice inside says: Okay, that's a dream that's way out of your price range, and besides, who wants to go to the effort to do work harder than you already do for something you can't have now?

If I think about it, I know the answer: I do.

But if I do... then why today did I spend hours sitting in old lounging clothes watching the cheap version of big adventures? Really seems pathetic, doesn't it?
Okay, so maybe I didn't need to go make some extra money for a trip to some secluded Bahama getaway, but there was a list that I had written myself this morning of all of the things that I needed to do. And did I do them? I mean, really, they weren't even chores. My list consisted of getting in touch with some very dear friends about several different important things. One of my friends really has been needing an ear to listen to the rough time she's been having in her life. Another I haven't seen in months, practically, and have neglected to call her back for five days after I said I would. My best friend really could have used an email to encourage her, and make sure she knows how much she means to me. My aunt, Shauna, could go into labor at any time now, since she's not even three weeks away from her due date, but instead of sending an email or giving her (or Brian) a quick call to ask how everything's going, I sat and watched a pixilated version of a place I've never been before.

I can't help but wonder how life would be different if we didn't own any one of these three computers or the TV, DVD/VCR, or the PS2. I would actually write letters again and offer people my quality time, and there's no telling what else could be accomplished! (I'm already feeling more creative just thinking about it.)

Tonight at the dinner table Shalea brought a couple of pages printed out from a guy's blog that she's been reading. He lives in North Dakota and has lived an incredibly fascinating life, from the stories she's related. But tonight his post was about what he would regret when he's 102 and thinks back on his life. I was going to try to tell it like I remember, but my memory and my mouth (or in this case my fingers) don't always keep up with each other. So here's a part of what he wrote:

I started thinking about regrets, what am I going to regret when I am an old man?I probably won’t regret missing out on watching the latest movie out or driving the newest model car. I would regret missing out on spending time with a special friend or spending time with family. I know I would regret not having learned how to play that particular musical instrument I always wanted to, or harvesting that 100 bushel wheat crop or building that tire swing for the boys. I don’t think I’ll regret missing a business meeting, not driving to work every weekday or the fact that I didn’t have a college education. I’ll regret the times when I drove by the elderly neighbor’s place and didn’t stop in to cheer their day when I really did have time to do it, and I’ll certainly not regret the times that I do stop in. I know I would regret not telling someone I appreciated them when that was true, not saying how I liked someone’s work when I did, or saying I love you when I meant it. You often can’t go back and say those things when you would like to.

I think when I'm a hundred and two (if the Lord doesn't call me Home before then), when I remember December 13, 2007 I will probably regret that I spent it so poorly when there was so much else I could have done. Besides weakening my eyesight, and very needlessly watching at least a dozen versions of Pirates of the Caribbean modified to as many different songs, I missed the opportunity to do something memorable. I did end up doing the dishes, I wrote two more pages of the book I'm writing, I took a long walk in the woods with my dog Tucker, I called up that friend that needed an ear, but except for writing those two pages, those things were only after 4 o'clock in the evening when it got too dark to do much else. And I know in my heart of hearts that today could have been much more pleasing to the God who is watching me waste all this time. For somebody who has longed for adventure and meaning for as long as I can remember, today sure was a big waste.

Now, I don't mean to get negative, but I'm really kind of irritated at myself. Shalea has got such a better handle on making the effort to really live. She works 2-3 days a week in town, but when she comes home she practices her piano, she teaches herself how to knit, how to spin wool into yarn, she'll make half a dozen loaves of bread, and I've seen a scattering of her latest library books about learning some lost arts (not mystical ones) like candle making, wood carving, and tons of other interesting stuff. Now, for goodness sake, you would think that with all of these opportunities around me I would have found something better to do than what I did all day!

Oh, well, it is a day I can't go back and change, but tomorrow is one that I can. I'm setting my alarm for 7 and I'm not letting another minute of daylight get away from me. I really need to find ways to beat the cabin fever, and do something that I won't regret. Who knows, maybe there are a few jobs I can find around here so I can start on that little nest egg. ; )

I guess the thing that really gets me is that I have the God of the Universe right here, and I didn't take the opportunity not to miss spending time with Him.

~Hoping for a better day tomorrow,
Brianna